What is the difference between supporting and enabling?
Enabling behaviors can encourage unhelpful habits and behaviors however, supporting an individual’s behaviors can empower a loved one to recover.
If you have a loved one or an individual in your life that struggles with a mental health condition, substance use disorder or behavioral concerns, you may feel as though you are doing everything you can do to help them, but nothing seems to be working.
Often when someone we know, and love is ill or in recovery it can be difficult to balance between giving support and giving space. You may find it difficult and find yourself struggling with wanting to try and control their behaviors. Boundaries begin with recognizing the differences between enabling and individual and supporting them.
Supports from family and friends and other people within a social network can be helpful and studies have demonstrated that having a strong bond with others encourages and supports a person’s quality of life.
Enabling isn’t supporting. Enabling behaviors ultimately perpetuate the problem and/or safeguards a person from the consequences of their actions. Supporting someone empowers the person to take an active step in recovery.
Examples of enabling behavior are trying to change an unfavorable situation and trying to regain control in a situation. Many times, people who are engaging in enabling behaviors are aware of the destructive behaviors the other person is doing however, are attempting to prevent further issues. A lot of times when people engage in enabling behaviors, they may feel powerless.
In 2021 a study conducted found that the risk of becoming codependent is 14.3 times more likely if the family or loved one lacks coping resources. The Hzelden Betty Ford Foundation states that codependent and enabling behaviors in families with substance use disorders can include: efforts to protect your loved one from experiencing consequences that could promote growth, keeping secretes about their drug/alcohol use or making excuses for their actions, blaming other people for the individuals challenges, and avoiding confrontation or topics surrounding drug/alcohol use.
Supportive behaviors are listed as listening to the individual, offering words of encouragement, being a resource, avoiding trying to solve their problems and not taking on their recovery as your own personal responsibility.
By giving a person empathy, respect and encouragement are additional ways to also provide support and by showing support by expressing honest concerns in a direct manner and answer questions honestly when safe to do so. Establishment of boundaries are important as enabling behaviors lack boundaries and perpetuates the problem while supportive behaviors empower a person to make choices towards their recovery.